by Farzana Nanji Jiwani, Constructive Conflict Management Inc

The process of negotiating is often seen as a troublesome, even intimidating prospect. Apprehensions are most common among those who think of negotiation as a confrontation between the parties sitting down at the bargaining table. Most people believe that this is when negotiation begins, and for many people, this is when all the fears and anxieties come to the fore. They stop communicating effectively, which is the most important part of negotiating. Instead of carrying on an exchange, each party tries to think of ways to counter or out-manoeuvre the other. The more time and energy is focused solely on one-upmanship, the less likely will there be any effective listening, and it will be increasingly difficult to achieve viable agreements.

How can people feel more comfortable and be more effective at the negotiation table? The answer is to begin negotiating well before the meeting, devoting more time and energy to the preliminary phases.

Often, for instance, people have not articulated in a concise way what alternatives there may be to negotiation, or determined whether these options are better or worse than what they hope to achieve at the table. Negotiators need to begin by making some tough demands on themselves, asking hard questions about their own motives and expectations before they begin the communication process. If they cannot define the alternatives for themselves, they cannot be strong, effective advocates, nor can they walk away from the negotiation with confidence, should their interests not be met.

Identifying your own priorities, and trying at the same time to establish what is important to the other parties, will provide a foundation for constructive dialogue. In some cases, it may be possible to have informal conversations with other parties, so as to establish priorities and decide whether negotiation is the best option.

A clear understanding of what is essential and how you can try to achieve it will help you to make important headway in negotiations. Having a mental picture of the possibilities that are available, and a sense of how they will affect you and the other parties, will help determine whether everyone’s interests can be reconciled. And an ability to demonstrate steadfastness on certain issues and flexibility on others will, in the long run, help you achieve the desired results.

When people are clear about their goals and have determined when to walk away, they will feel more confidence and less anxiety. By thinking of the preparation stage as a key part of the overall negotiation, you can begin the process well before you sit down at the table.

© Farzana Nanji Jiwani. All rights reserved.

Farzana Nanji Jiwani (MA in Dispute Resolution), Director of Constructive Conflict Management Inc. is a mediator specializing in organizational, business, and cross-cultural issues. She is a Roster Mediator in the Ontario Mandatory Mediation Program, Toronto.

Constructive Conflict Management Services include: preventative conflict strategies, conflict management training, organizational systems design and mediation. She can be reached at (905) 763-0810 or email Fjiwani@ican.net